I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
