her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
