guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
