My hand turned me down
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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