I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
