mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
