I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
