what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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