dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
please come you make the beer taste better
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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