bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
