im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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