I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I love you. Go after that dick
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
