I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
