I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
