my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
