youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
