Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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