If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
