i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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