so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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