The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
