Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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