We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
