im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
