Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
