so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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