What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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