The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
