she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
