You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
