Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
