I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
