they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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