i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
