Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I skipped work to stalk him.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
