Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
