Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
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At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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