I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
