did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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