His pubic hair was longer than his dick
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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