HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
