I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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