super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
