I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
