Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
