Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
