Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
