we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
