all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
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Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
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Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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