WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
