My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
