She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
