i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
