will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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