WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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