ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
