we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
