i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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