i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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