This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Randomize
