im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
