So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
