She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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