I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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