this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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