I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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