It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
